March 13th, 2020

A journal entry from the beginning of the Coronavirus Pandemic. Written in Florida after a full day of work.

Well here I am, on the beach of New Symrna by myself. I came here for a tan, but I am surrounded by groups that make me feel slightly alone. I want to acknowledge this, and remind myself that being by myself isn’t shameful. I have friends. I came her to tan because it was beneficial to my mind, my looks, and my schedule.

Yesterday I acknowledged my first value worthy of giving a fuck. yEaH… I said that! I know that I give WAAAYYYY to many fucks sometimes to where it overwhelms me and inevitably creates more problems… or sacred opportunities for growth!

This morning, on my run… I pondered do I give a fuck about my body? Why do I run or work out or eat a certain way. It’s mainly fueled by the desire to look sexy and fit. I want this badly but I only give a fuck about the look. I like eating healthy but I hate cutting out sweet. I often over eat and enjoy it. I also enjoy working out, yoga, and running. So what is it then? I love physical activity. I want to have a fit, strong body to show off and look good in clothes. BUT I can’t refine my diet to save my life. I hate it. So what should I do? I give a fuck about physical shit… does it matter that my body doesn’t reflect that. Maybe a little? Idk… I’ll give the healthy eating another try once I get rid of all the fucking junk at my house.

A few poetic words

I am a physical being of Mother Earth

I honor that by consciously living.

I fuel this body

I move this body

I maintain this body

I love this temple of a body.

UPDATE

Remaining physically healthy is important and enjoyable to me. I absolutely love breaking a sweat. I also love eating organic… but I do not love cutting out sweets and thats okay. I am still struggling with moderation and thats okay too.